An Open Letter to Love: It’s Not You, It’s Me. « Life After College by Jenny Blake

Dear Love,

I think we should take a break.

I find myself bumping into you in all the wrong places. I know people and books say you are everywhere, but for some reason I keep wanting what I can’t have. And I don’t want that.

It’s not you, it’s me. I just want to relax and appreciate the fact that I am single and have the freedom to do whatever I’d like. I’m tired of wondering why I am not in a relationship and wishing things were different, but then getting scared when I think they might be. Please just let me love my friends and my family and my dog and puppies and the sky cam…and let that be enough. Enough.

I’m also tired of people troubleshooting, advising and analyzing me (I’m as guilty of this as anyone). Single is not a disease that needs to be cured. It is not a problem that needs to be fixed.

I’ve read book after book after book after book on dating and relationships, and they are driving me crazy. It’s like self-analysis and dating experts are competing to see who can drive me insane first.

While I appreciate the wisdom behind it all, I am tired of the endless stream of paradoxical clichés:

• You will find someone when least expect it or when you aren’t looking / You have to be proactive and put yourself out there
• You have to appear available / Don’t come across as desperate
• You have to get clear on what you want / Maybe you shouldn’t be so picky
• You have to look inward, fix your issues, and love yourself completely / Nobody is perfect. Don’t be so hard on yourself.
• You’re too busy; you have to make room in your life / Get out there and do activities you enjoy, pursue things you are passionate about
• And on….and on….and on.

So with all due respect Love, I would love if you could just give me some space. Let me enjoy my time alone without looking for you.

Here’s to being single & fabulous & perfectly lonely,
Jenny

***

“We do not write in order to be understood; we write in order to understand.”
—C.S. Lewis

This post was a tough one for me to hit “publish” on — I feel all exposed and sort of want to run for cover, but my desire to be honest with you has won out. That said, for fear of over-analyzing things too much I may not reply to every comment (though I really value what you have to say and will read every single one). I hope you understand. 

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