In early childhood we are who we are in a straightforward, direct way. We love and trust life and other people spontaneously. We are uninhibited, so nothing is held back or hidden.
However, usually due to conditional love given to us by our parents, we learn quickly that certain things we say or do will be rewarded, and other things will be ignored or punished. We learn to hide certain parts of ourselves in order to be loved by others.
As we move through adolescence toward adulthood, we learn even more that we have to repress parts of ourselves in order to be tough and competitive and stand on our own two feet in the world. Our ego must become strong so that we can survive.
In childhood and adolescence, the repressed parts of ourselves get buried in our subconscious mind. However, in mid-life, which can extend anywhere from forty to sixty-five years of age, we have less energy to hold all this subconscious material down.
Weighed down with mortgages, jobs, parenting, and other responsibilities, and aware that they may not live a lot longer, people in mid-life often suddenly feel an urge to rediscover the freedom and spontaneity of their inner child or inner adolescent. Their subconscious, repressed parts start to emerge in their dreams, daydreams, fantasies, or in a general sense of restlessness or meaninglessness. They might have a powerful urge to write poetry, start a rock band, buy a motorcycle, have an affair, quit their job, or leave their marriage.
At this point, according to the great twentieth-century psychologist Carl Jung, a person has three basic options. They can keep soldiering on, keep repressing all these seemingly irrational urges that are coming up, keep cutting off essential parts of their soul -- and end up with an ulcer, stroke, or heart attack, or become cynical and bitter and slowly die spiritually.
Or, at the other extreme, they can let the subconscious urges flood them all at once so they are overwhelmed and become a mid-life crazy person who throws out all they have worked so hard to build, irresponsibly destroying their marriage, family and career in the process.
The third option is to allow the subconscious, repressed parts to have a voice, listen to them, and let them into the conscious mind a little at a time so that we are in control of the urges rather than the urges controlling us. We can look at our urges and decide rationally which would be wise and which would be foolish to act on. This is the healthiest option, to slowly integrate the repressed parts of our self back into our life without destroying the life we have built so far.
Jung called this third option "individuation." It is our true self calling us to let go of our ego, calling us to integrate our conscious and subconscious minds, so that we become a whole person again. In Jungian terms, this is what spiritual growth is all about. Wholeness equals holiness.
In religious terms, the person who pursues the third option may be considered by some to be a "holy fool." The holy fool has reached "second naivete," that is, they let their inner child play through them in a mature way. This letting our inner child out may seem foolish to the person who has become cynical and bitter, just as continuing to be responsible may seem foolish to the person who has chosen irresponsibility.
As Jesus said, in order to enter the kingdom of heaven we must become like little children.
To grow spiritually, we are not called to become immature and irresponsible, that is, childish. We are called to become directly loving and trusting once again, that is, childlike, but in an adult way. According to Jung, this is the essential work that needs to be done in mid-life.
Bruce Tallman is a London spiritual director. www.brucetallman.com.
Great article, about soul, midlife, and inner child work. Enjoy it.
